Friday, February 11, 2011

Decoy Heroics: Chapter 1

(An unfinished chapter of the new book)

“The king is sick.”

The gathered nobles glanced at any spot on the wall but the speaker. Glanced at each other, uncertainly finding the look in the opposite man’s eyes that echoed, for once, the thoughts creeping into all of their minds.

They felt him move around the table, and when his dark, sure eyes found theirs they looked away, unwilling to commit to the treasonous demand he was about to speak.

“You must have noticed him, in the months following our beloved queen’s death. The rage. The bloodshed.” He didn’t have to mention the incident at Carvelwall. The heads bloodying the block in the bare courtyard, where once flowers had grown. The red, uncontrolled face of their ruler and the signs of slow and inevitable mindloss. The nobles knew all of those things. “The king is unfit to rule. He has quite clearly gone mad.” And after a well-placed pause, the noble whose only voice the chamber had heard this evening spoke again. “I recognize the signs of dark magiks at work.”

The mood shifted. They felt it, and looked to him directly for perhaps the first time. He was smiling. The curve of his thin, cracked lips, the delicately shaded crow’s feet, and the combed dark hair, graying appropriately at the temples: all made him look serious, professional. A man who looked like that always knew what he was talking about.

But dark magiks? Magik of any kind was forbidden on penalty of death, in any case except those of the most desire, solicited under council of law.

And nobody had solicited magikal aid for the king.

Finally, an old, retired knight, given titles by the king himself, broke the icy silence. “How can you be so sure, Rezor?”

Rezor’s fingertips pressed against the table, leaning in to the small gathered group. Begging the challenge. “I have seen it before.”

“Impossible!” the man said gruffly over several surprised and uncomfortable murmurs. He sat forward in his chair. This, too, was a man not to be dealt with lightly. He had seen more battles than the number of years most of these men – and one woman, who had wisely said nothing yet - had been alive. “If you had seen it, you must have irradiated it. Or,” he added, the old battered blue eyes narrowing and making his face a mass of leathery skin and white hair, “taken part in it.”

Rezor straightened at this. The corner of his lip twitched. A smile, or irritation? He more than anyone was aware of the rumors. His comforting brown eyes met the narrowed ones around the table, the raised chins. No one else would have openly accused him, because as much as it seemed improbable – impossible – that (name), a personally appointed member of the Council, was practicing magik under everyone’s noses… All the same. On the slim chance he did… Well. Nobody wanted to take that chance.

“I have seen it before,” he repeated, more firmly, no longer smiling. “Trust me, my lords. My lady.” She in question sniffed, and pretended she wasn’t listening. The pearls on her headpiece glinted dully. “The king is not in his right mind. It is our obligation and our duty to see to the safety of the country.”

“What you are proposing is treason.” A young man with short, fashionably cut hair and a thin, fashionable face and a strong fashionable chin laced with a goatee turned sharp eyes on the man, his back stiff and straight. “What you are proposing is beyond any of us to grant. He is watched too closely. There are laws. There are guards. There is god…”

Yes. Treason and murder. The two laws that must never be broken.

2 comments:

  1. I don't read fantasy, but I really like this. There are some sentences that don't flow really good, and (name), etc. but nothing that can't be easily edited. The plot setup and the characters are developed well for a first chapter and there's a lot of suspense and mystery that makes me want to keep reading.

    A while ago (after Nano) I got out a novel by a big, bestselling published author and carefully studied a few pages. I wanted to see if there was anything about the sentence structure and word choice that was especially different and better than my writing. (It was Jurassic Park by Crichton) What I noticed was, the sentences weren't any better! Some of the sentences flowed pretty badly and I noticed several plot holes and minor mistakes in just a few pages. ("there were four tranquilizer canisters in the case"...*shoots off two*..."we're out of tranq...") When I had read the novel for entertainment (multiple times) I was so in to the story, and reading so fast, I never noticed it. And I realized that sentence structure and etcetera, which I paid so much attention to, wasn't so super-important. If you can write fascinating characters and a plot that chomps into the readers brain and won't let go, the rest is just a matter of technique. And now I'm babbling. Look at all those words. Sorry.

    But you should certainly keep writing this. (*whispers to characters*: the lady is not what she seems!) It's the kind of sample chapter that makes you buy the book.

    Anyway... *steps up* My name is Varky and I haven't written in almost two weeks. (*gasps from room*) But I promise to write at least 1000 words today, and will keep writing every day until I finish a short story, which I will then edit. *steps down*

    If you want to read the last short I finished, it's free at http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/40036 or http://zzrdvark.wordpress.com . It was supposed to be science fiction, but ended up just only having enough SciFi to explain the medieval fantasy. So it's actually something you might like to read. And if you don't want to, that's fine, you'd probably just laugh at my writing anyway. ;)

    *Goes off to smash head into wall until words come out*

    Nine muses left,
    Regards,
    Varky

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  2. Sweet! I love you much, vark, and thanks for the comments! I'll definitely take another look at it :)

    *goes off to read Vark blabberings*

    ReplyDelete